When Birnam Wood Comes To Dunsinane
by seirios aster
Summary: Pre-PoA.  When choosing between a rock and a hard place, Sirius felt taking a chance on a stranger was preferable to malnutrition and mange.


Sirius couldn't believe he had escaped. He wasn't exactly a free man, but an existence on the run was far superior to one stuck in that damned cell and surrounded by dementors 24/7. Oh, Merlin, though, he was hungry. That was why he was currently scavenging for food in Edinburgh; it was close enough to the coast _and_ the food that restaurants threw out was guaranteed to be halfway decent.

Also, he had not wanted to stray from Scotland before making the trip south to see Harry. There was no point in exhausting himself even more by going down to Surrey without replenishing his strength somewhat. Didn't want to die on the way, after all. He could only imagine that he looked like some sort of mangy wolfhound at this point, emphasis on the mange. Hell, he wasn't surprised he hadn't been taken to a pound yet.

Still, there was definitely something to be said for the trash, though. It wasn't as rich as it could be, although if he had been able to stroll into a restaurant without drawing any attention, he would have probably ordered something far too rich for him. The results would have then been severely unpleasant. Kind of like the cholera curse Remus had joked about designing…

Eugh. Okay, that was quite possibly the most retched thing he had ever tried to eat, human or dog. (And that was including the one time in the Forbidden Forest with those mushrooms _and_ the "that's not chicken" debacle.) Sirius managed to remove it from his mouth without the aid of his paws, but damn he did not want to identify what that was.

Apparently his yacking sounds had attracted the attention of passers-by. A man about his age had stopped and was looking vaguely concerned for him, which was odd because of the feral/mange look Sirius was currently sporting. Also the garbage foraging. It was mostly the foraging, to be honest. However, the man was clearly slightly disturbed as he walked over and kneeled next to Sirius. "Hey, there, boy. You look completely wretched, don't you?" he murmured, skritching Sirius behind the ears. (Sirius was always vaguely disturbed when people did that. It really shouldn't feel as good as it did.)

Sirius woofed in lack of anything else better to do.

The man was content to prattle on, though, and said, "You know, my brother used to have a dog like you. Most obnoxious in the world, he was…"

Sirius was contemplating running for his life at this point. Yes, he was unlikely to be recognized as himself by a random stranger while he was a dog, but he did not need to hear someone else's sob story. He hadn't sunk that low. Without realizing, he was making a strange keening sound he normally associated with neurotic dogs stuck in cars.

And the random man was laughing at him. "You really are a wreck, aren't you?" he mentioned with a hint of amusement. Sirius attempted to glare at him, but he knew it probably turned out as puppy-dog eyes or another dog facial-expression that communicated the exact opposite of how he felt. "Say, how does a trip to the vet sound?"

If he could have, Sirius would have exclaimed, "UNADULTERATED HORROR," but he had to settle for a yelp.

"Oh, come on. That can't be comfortable," the man said gesturing at the mange and Sirius's general lack of health. He stood up and mentioned, "Well, it's your choice, I guess. Stay or trust me. Either way." Sirius could make out a grin, but it was still too dark for even his dog eyes to properly make out the man's face. Still, the weirdo walked off, and for some reason, Sirius followed. His trip could be put off for a couple days. Besides, this was the next best choice to showing up at a hospital with the added bonus that he could not be recognized.

The trip to the vet, who also happened to be a medwitch, turned out to be just about the mange and malnutrition (Sirius would have raised hell if there were anything else), just like the man promised. As far as Sirius could tell, the man was in town for some sort of business trip. He was studying some weird charts and files, but Sirius had not chanced turning human and being caught.

Sirius only started to suspect there was something fishy going on when he overheard a phone call the man made.

"No, Director, I don't know what you're talking about. I made sure the phone line was redirected through a number of places. I'm not in England.

"You can ask my wife. She'll tell you the same thing.

"I know you think I should not concern myself with that.

"Well, if I make any progress with the research, I'll call you."

He hung up and muttered, "Bloody rat bastard."

After about a week, Sirius felt much better. Almost like he might be half-passable for normal were he to transform back into himself. At that point, the man seemed to be packing up his belongings. Sirius stared at him with his head cocked to the side.

The man smiled in a way that was almost a grimace and said, "It's time for me to leave. You're going to have to cope on your own now. I've a job, after all, and someone's got to do it." With a sigh, he continued, "Just take care of yourself, will you?"

With that, he left, and Sirius was completely confused. There was still a set of clothes on the bed. This didn't make any sense at all. Hesitantly, Sirius transformed back into a human. The clothes were the only things that seemed to be around. Why the hell would the man have left a spare set of clothes? It just didn't make sense.

Although, the medwitch probably could tell that he wasn't an ordinary dog, and the man hadn't seemed bothered by the fact he had been given magical remedies. The only conclusion to draw there was that the man was a wizard, which Sirius had been expecting for a while.

That said, as long as the clothes were left behind, he might as well make use of them. If he ever ran into the man again, he'd pay him back. Of course, that called for a shower. (He was very thankful that the hotel supplied many useful things, like soap and shampoo.) Sirius didn't even bother looking in the mirror; he just didn't want to know. Thankfully, when he tried the clothes on, they were a bit too big, although Sirius had been under the impression that the man had been shorter than him.

Maybe it was time to face the music and look in the mirror. Sure, the vet hadn't spared the horses in terms of grooming dog-Sirius, but he knew that usually didn't make any sort of impact on a beard or 5 o'clock shadow. He looked around the sink and hit the jackpot. Absentminded man had in fact left a razor! This day was turning out to be pretty decent.

Sirius finally faced the mirror. And swore.

He was blond. WHAT THE HELL.

Well, on the bright side, he reflected while shaving (he was not going to waste an opportunity), he had made the right decision about seeking medical attention. If he looked like something the cat dragged in now, he didn't want to know what he looked like before. He looked back at the conditioner and noticed it was in fact wizard hair dye.

At this point, Sirius came to some conclusions: 1) the wizard clearly knew he was actually a human, 2) the wizard somehow knew he was on the run, and 3) the wizard had taken great care not to let him catch on to these facts. Thus, Sirius searched his pockets and fished out a wallet, which was complete with an eerily accurate fake ID, complete with blond hair, and approximately enough money to get him out of the country.

Sirius made a snap decision and left the room to try and catch up with the man who had helped him for seemingly no reason whatsoever. He hadn't needed to run, though. The man was leaning against a car right outside the hotel, apparently waiting for him. "What took you so long?" he asked, completely unperturbed. "I expected you about five minutes ago."

Sirius walked over and demanded, "Who the hell are you?"

"Kauss Stibium," the man said off-handedly.

Sirius didn't believe that for a second and growled, "Real name?"

The man looked slightly hurt, and Sirius wondered if he had made a mistake until the man said, "I take it you didn't get a good look in the mirror this morning?"

Sirius considered what the other man said and then punched him in the face.

"I suppose I deserved that. So do you want to know what I'm doing here, or would you prefer to have me be your punching bag?"

"Unless your next words include 'kill' and 'Pettigrew', I suggest you start begging for mercy," Sirius said steely.

"Well, I was planning on killing _Voldemort_, but if you really want that detour…" Sirius kicked the younger man in the shin. "Ow! That hurt! Look, fine. Clear your name, then kill the sociopath. You happy?"

"As long as we find a different color hair dye," Sirius agreed as they got in the car. "I look ridiculous."

"No change, then."

"Do you have a death wish?"

With a grin, Regulus Black replied, "Well, it wouldn't be the first time."


End file.
